You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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