just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
