Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
