If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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