First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
