If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
