No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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