I must be too annoying 4 u.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.