not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.