I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream