i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.