So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting