I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
