i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
