forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
