She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How does it feel to date your dad?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
