my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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