I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
