I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
