Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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