Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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