Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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