the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
