Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
