That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You pole danced in your parka.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
