He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
