I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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