So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize