Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This gyro tastes like lonliness
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
