Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
