he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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