Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
