wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
