If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
