for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
