I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
