You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
