Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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