i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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