Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
