dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
