if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit