What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake