Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
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They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife