someone get that fucking seahorse.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.