but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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