You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.