Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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