I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My balls are so social today.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
