so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drake has all the answers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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