Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
