In the future we'll all be gay
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
