She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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