My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
