i think my tv is drunk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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