if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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