I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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