If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm always down for nudity.
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