My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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