Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
