You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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