There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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