he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
