I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're a waste of cheezeits
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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