Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
