first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
