careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
