Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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