Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
