maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
