I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
