Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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