This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
