please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
